Allez Allez Allez
The Sleeping Giant
Oh right, oh right, oh right. We’re all back again, for what should be better named the Eternal Chronicles. Except its not. The bad news is, after some serious thinking, I’ve decided this is going to be the final season of the Chancer Chronicles. Sad, sad, I know. But life moves on. Anyway, in the next piece we’ll have time to mope and reflect, not yet.
We’re balls deep in the season, with some trophy success already (see here for past glories). As always, the intention is to win absolutely everything because I’ve made the team a bunch of glory-hungry bastards. So how are we looking? Let’s find out hey?
September
‘And Liverpool’s Champions League group has been finalised. Judging by those teams, Group C should be a breeze for the North-West side. They’ve drawn Valencia, FC Kobenhavn, Palermo. Surely they will manage qualification?’ The camera panned to me, doing cartwheels down the events aisle. For the first time in a number of years we’ve managed not to be drawn into a group of death. What a time to be alive!’
Southampton, 3-0
Champs League Group C – FC Kobenhavn, 5-0
Norwich, 3-1
Carabao Cup 3rd Round – Swansea, 3-1
Chelsea, 4-1.
An excellent start to part duo, with 5 victories, 18 goals and 3 conceded. Being honest Chelsea are their usual self, win the league, drop off a cliff, sack a few managers and win the league again. Before my arrival, Chelsea were the last team to win the Premiership. Since my era of domination, they’ve not been the same, finishing 4th and 3rd respectively and not really offering much in challenges. In truth, United has comfortably been the 2nd best team. Still, of all the teams I played this month they offered the biggest challenge so it was with big relief we easily overcame them. I emphasise the word easily there.
October
‘Fish and chips please mate.’
‘Salt and vinegar?’
‘Yeah, just a bit please.’ The apron-wearing man behind the counter flicked his wrists over the food. ‘Erm, a bit more, if that’s ok mate?’ The man made the same flourish again. ‘Bit more please mate.’ The slightly bemused man repeated the action a third time. ‘Just a titch more, please.’ I highlighted the request by demonstrating something small with my fingers. The distance looked remarkably familiar for some reason. The employee glared at me but did as he was asked. ‘Jesus Christ man, more. Fuck sake. Is the world running out of salt and vinegar or something?’ I grabbed the plastic bottles and squeezed hard until half the bottles were emptied over the fish and chips.
‘Is that everything?’ the man asked through gritted teeth.
‘A bottle of diet coke as well please. Thanks mate.’
Champs League Group C – Palermo, 4-0
Swansea, 4-1
Bournemouth, 4-1
Champs League Group C – Valencia, 1-1
Preston, 3-0
Carabao Cup 4th Round – Arsenal, 2-0.
Another month of comprehensive victories, bar one irritant named Valencia, who selfishly decided to compete for a draw. Again, big score-lines, five games, 16 goals, 3 goals conceded. It is looking like the summer investment into the defence has definitely worked. Most of the goals we’ve conceded have been little more than late consolation goals.
November
‘Have you noticed anything about Firmino?’ I asked Javi. Javi looked up from his training notes and winced.
‘Yes boss, he’s erm… not the same.’
‘No,’ I agreed, watching as Firmino placed his walking stick down on the ground and waddled around the pitch in a trot passing for a jog, his hair streaked by grey. ‘He’s old as fuck, isn’t he?’
Javi nodded in agreement.
Leicester, 5-2
Champs League Group C – Valencia, 4-0
Arsenal, 3-1
Everton, 2-0
Champs League Group C – FC Kobenhavn, 3-0
Barnsley, 1-0.
Five games, 16 goals scored, 3 goals conceded. Something of a familiar number by now. As you can well imagine, after several comprehensive victories in our Champions League Group we’ve forged well ahead of the pack and have already managed to qualify for the knockout stages. A massive financial success for the club, and also an opportunity to defend our title.
December
‘Fucking hell it’s hot here in Morocco.’ Sweat dripped off my face, the heat beyond scorching levels. I looked up at the stadium, named the Stade Du Prince Moulay Abdallah. The blue sky didn’t have a cloud in sight. ‘Fuck me.’ I groaned again. ‘Couldn’t they organise this competition somewhere a bit cooler like England, or Antartica? Not in a fucking desert located in the arse-end of nowhere?’
Man City, 2-0
Champs League Group C – Palermo, 4-0
Stoke, 1-1
Club World Championship Semi-Final – Kaizer Chiefs, 4-0
Club World Championship Final – COR – 5-1.
To be honest, I’d completely forgotten about this competition. It’s sure got a ring to it, Club World Championship. That’s right, the noise I’m hearing is a cashier till ka-ching. It’s a chance for all of the top clubs in their subsequent continental competitions to battle for a top honour. And guess who came out on top? That’s right, us. The goddamn dons of European football.
Brentford, 9-0
Brighton, 2-0
These two fixtures gave me some serious concern. Due to our Club World Championship commitments, the fixtures were re-arranged. It meant we returned home from the middle-east to then play Brentford only a handful of days later, with Brighton but two days after that. The whole outfield was fully rotated for the heavy fixture list. It’s what makes our dismantlement of Brentford even more impressive, I think. The Brighton game might look comfortable on paper, but it was a tense game, a tough battle.
Well, a quick summarisation is in order. We are now 2/3’s of the way through a season which seems to be running very smoothly, which is lovely as it’s our last. So far we’ve already managed to pick up a Community Shield, a Euro Cup AND a Club World Championship and it’s only turned January. Of course the real object of the fans attention is the Premiership. Well, that’s going pretty well too, as we are ploughing comfortably ahead there as well. After 17 games, we’ve managed 15 wins and 2 draws, putting us on 47 points. That means we are so far running an unbeaten season, yet that record extends beyond just the league, we’re actually unbeaten in every competition so far. Exciting stuff. Well, we should probably get back to it, shall we? Hopefully, soon we’ll be describing how we’ve equalled United for Premiership titles (21). Fingers crossed guys.
So that’s all, for now, folks, until next time.
Toodle-loo.